Rawr...Angry.

Okay this post intent was to purely blow off steam because my sister, my hero, my trusted one, pissed me off. God we were doing so good and she had to get all pissy and jealous and ruin it! Then I thought, no I dont have the energy to yell and scream about her, but suddenly I do, so I think I shall! She was mad because ex bf/current best friend was over with one of his friends and she bitched to my mom about how she never got to have guys over like I do and I shouldn't be trusted (WTF!?!@??!) Yah, I hope she remembers that next time her drunk ass needs a ride to another party like last weekend (which also made me blow curfew) but I took her, because thats what sisters do for each other. They cover for each other! Unless you are that skanking- hoe, no! She just betrays you. Well in all honestly Im waiting for the gates or hell to open up and welcome the dumb bitch. Okay that was a tid on the expressive side but tonight I want to yell and scream! Okay I'll simmer down now.. Anyway.. we don't have school thursday or friday because thats our pretty much bullshit spring break but just the same I need the break. Although I work both days like all day so pretty sure thats hardly a break. Although thank God I get off at noon thursday because the rest of my day is going to be spent getting the nerves to go to the cemetary..
I'm too young to have to go to the cemetary. I'm too young to go buy a rose for my deseased angel. I'm too young to want to die. I'm too young to fall apart like I do. I'm too young to feel regret and pain that consumes myself. I'm too young to feel alone. I'm too young to collapse on the floor and sob. I'm too young to live like this. She was too young to die.
I thought I was going to be okay with this but apparently its worse than I thought. Last night I lay in bed sobbing, turning over and over, begging for my stomach to stop swallowing my heart and my tears to stop drowing my hope. I cry to people I dont even know, for instance the whole cyber world.. I just want it to be over. But more than anything I wish my mom and sister understood.. or anyone really. I wish they understand how close I am .. to following my leader straight to the doors of Heaven tonight.. This is just so hard.. I wish they understood..Either way Im taking life moment by moment because I cant really take life day by day anymore..Anyway I have some much needed studying to do and personally I think I may plan to murder the dumb bitch my mother prouduced before me.. Ugh.. thanks for reading....-Counting The Days Till She Returns To College!