The Weekend

Okay so I didn't blog this weekend because I was kept busy! (Can't say I hated it) My sister came home, we've been having a ball. I went out a few times with my ex, more than likely a bad idea. This weekend was probably the most social I've been in a long time! It's weird thinking how I've avoided life for so long. So much has changed! I've still got people I need to get back in touch with but this weekend was definatly a start for me. Although, last night a little miss communication problem led to major trouble, but hopefully I lied my way out of that one. Okay down to serious things..(sorta). I sort of have a relationship problem... In the fact that I was so scared to get to get hurt that I would usually back out of long relationships and hurt someone more than I ever imagined. I've done this consistantly for the past year now and it's turned out well in the fact that I usually don't get hurt. But I'm building quite the reputation for it too. Now its like any guys that I want to take me serious just want me for physical relationships and any guys who I could less about want my whole heart, which I'm not even sure I know how to give away anymore. Relationships are so pointless for me anymore. Anyway my current ex is the closet thing to a best friend that I have on a regular basis. I think partially because he helped me through my friends death, and there is something about going through that with someone, the break downs, the crying sessions, or the pure self-pity you feel that you just give your entire trust to the person who willingly goes through it with you. So we hang out on a regular basis, which has been causing a problem. It seems as if he will never move on, meaning I cant either. Any guy I hang out with or even mess around with he wants to kill and he gets so mad at me that he says don't come near me and he storms off. I'm not trying to hurt him, but I want desperatly to move on. I hate that I can't do this with out hurting him! Anyway.. thats pity problems compared to the next week. Every day we're inching closer to Thursday, the 3 month anniversary... It terrifies me because thats the one day I can't put it off anymore. I'm scared, but I know I'll get through it all... I have to, right?